I've recently joined a church that is teaching me to "preach the gospel to myself" everyday. Having been a believer for over 30 years, one would think that there would be no need for that by now. Well, I'm learning that the gospel is the power of God (Rom 1:16).The atmosphere and discipleship at this church is also revealing sin in my life as never before. Not scandalous sins, but sins that one could possess, verbalize, and even act on in most church settings and no one would ever blink. These are called, I'm learning, "refined sins". Oh, just to name a few, impatience with others, judging others, being prideful, fear of man (seeking to please people more so than pleasing God), being self-seeking, self-absorbed, self-sufficient, uncharitably judging others, gossiping. Need I go on?
Throughout my Christian life, people would say, "You're such a good person". More often than I'd like to admit I would believe them. I mean, all I had to do was look at the wreckless disregard for God all around me and it would be easy to believe. Yep, I could seem like a pretty good person if you looked at it that way. But through God's eyes? Wow. Never, never, never would I appear "good" up against His holy standard of perfection. It's only because of Christ that I can approach God - forgiven. As Jerry Bridges says, "Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace".
Now, as the realization of my sinful heart is setting in, I long to give glory to Him for any shred of goodness that may be found in me. I just need to learn the words, the humility, and grow in my courage to do so. There's the fear of man right there. How can I point out that, I'M A SINNER without having a false humility about me. I suppose the more keenly aware of the sin in my life everyday, the more REAL humility will happen.
As I grow to understand the gospel more (and my desperate need of it), the light shines brighter on the sins that I've not been able to see in the dim lighting. Marinating (as it were) in the gospel seems to be turning up the lights and allowing me to see the "refined" sins. Seeing these come to light drives me to the cross for the forgiveness I had almost forgotten I needed. It's dangerous as a believer to compare ourselves with others and find their sins more grievous and scandalous than our own. That can lead to pride and a false sense that we are in fact "good".
I am LOVING the book I am currently reading, The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges. This book is really helping me to grow in the areas that I've mentioned in this post.
